I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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