Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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