It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
