I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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