I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
