Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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