Who did Billy Mays play for?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
