First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
