i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
