Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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