I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
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Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
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So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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