you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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