as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Farmville is her only friend.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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