look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
