Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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