just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
