I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
