Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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