I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
