I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
