Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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