i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
