I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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