A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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