I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
