Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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