did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
