Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
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I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
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Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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