Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
