I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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