Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
