You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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