but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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