Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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