If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She's the barista slut.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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