I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
