i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
