White coat. Heels.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
