hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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