I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
