dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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