Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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