Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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