i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
