A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
