I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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