I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
