States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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