It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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