I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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