It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
