I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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