I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
