I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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