i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
