im drinking this country out of the recession.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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