I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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