i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
