Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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