i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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