Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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