people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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