UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
