I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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