I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the day after is always just damage control
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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