For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
