who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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