Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
PS: I just woke up from my shower
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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